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The current year signifies a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who opt out of having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions validate your decision to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {