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We've been friends with a woman, who has overcome many challenges, which I admire. Yet, she has been often taken by surprise in relationships. Her spouse left her, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances vanished during that time, since they had been focused solely on her husband. This surprised her. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have understood more acutely what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Over the years, quite a few close to her have disappeared without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both retired and are seeing time together, yet I realize my position in our friendship is to listen. I open discussion points and she changes them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. I try to propose double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been organizing a trip to a nation I've visited repeatedly and resided in for some time. I attempted to share advice, yet it was not welcomed. She really just desired my agreement with her choices. I have returned from 30 days in that country she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, but I don't think she can understand the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. At this point, my state is distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. But confrontation aiming for working things out takes courage and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument here. Emotions are valid, after all. Finally is to question how the two of you will alter the pattern between you."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, meaning you must to remain ready to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably successful for promoting understanding.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore all you say, for those who have a deep-seated story: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they're unable to release as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents they trust. It's tough because there's no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out this way and then think your perspective. And should you don't achieve an agreement, it will give you satisfaction knowing you were truthful.